She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
