Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
