he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
