Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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