Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
