I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
