She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
