Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
