I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
