i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
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