I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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