are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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