I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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