Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
