You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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