this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
