You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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