There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
