the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
