you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
