So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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