You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
