I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No subtext here. People are naked.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
