I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
