not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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