On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
