There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
