so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
