I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
