I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
