Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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