As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
