I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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