garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
