matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize