Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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