I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
