Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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