wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
