I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
