Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
