I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
farters have to be the big spoon...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize