Tell her she can't have a vagina
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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