a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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