That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
