I will die if light touches me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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