Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
