guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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