I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
