hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
