My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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