opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
