I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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