exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
