I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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