I skipped work to stalk him.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
