you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I yelled at your uterus for you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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