I wish I could teleport
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
