I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
