when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
