I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
