Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
