I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
