apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
