I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
