Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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