This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
