That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
