how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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