How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
